I really struggled to give this post a good title and to adequately explain what I wanted to discuss. It’s been a very different few months and I’ve spent a lot of time really thinking so – here goes.
Currently I’m sitting in pink and fuzzy bear onesie in my very warm, clean and festive house. Our Christmas decorations are partially up (because we can’t quite decide on where to put everything) and my shopping for family is almost done because the most important thing of the last few weeks is that we’re prepared. Prepared for what you wonder? Well my life has taken a shift that I knew was coming and after a few weeks of disruption we’re ready to look onwards to the new year and I’ve never felt so peaceful about the future.
I had a little blogging break recently and I didn’t make a big song and dance about it because the reasons behind my break were very personal. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what sort of blogger I want to be, what content I want to put out there and how I can protect my loved ones online.
The fact of the matter is that when I met my partner one of the first things he told me was that he was father to a (then four year old) little girl and he didn’t see her very much since he had separated from her mother and because they live so far away. For months we’ve been trying to organise more time together as a family and I’ve learnt so much about people, relationships and the dynamics of co-parenting. I’ve always had respect for parents who share the upbringing of their children but now I’m starting to understand that I will soon be taking upon the title of step-mum and will be known as such a little person for most of their life.
I’ve met and spent quality time with my step-daughter, I feel a love affection for her and have fully embraced her as a big part of our life together as a couple. To me, she comes as a part of the package and I’m literally bursting with excitement because for the first time she is spending Christmas with us in our home. So that’s why we’re so prepared. She has a bed, a space of her own in our house and every single one of her presents from Santa Claus have been purchased, wrapped and hidden until the big day. We’ve been waiting for this for a long time and it finally feels like we can move on as a family and look to future as a married couple who’ll one day be giving her little brothers and sisters to play with.
But, what about my blog? Well, I’ve come to the decision that apart from my personal social media account on Facebook I won’t be posting photos or writing blog posts about her. First and foremost, she is not legally my blood relative so I have no rights over her and secondly it’s a very important matter of her privacy. I want to grow my blog and be an active member of an online community and as much as I can see the benefits of becoming a parenting blogger – I don’t think I will be changing my stance on my own biological children either. Apart from discussing my wedding and other bits of bobs of being a lifestyle blogger, I’ve decided to not even mention when I fall pregnant and welcome a new baby publicly. I just feel like for the sake of this brand new person who isn’t old enough to make their own decisions about their life I shouldn’t be exposing them without their knowledge.
Life has been hard for us these past few months and not only due the stress of trying to get plans in place for the next few years that we can all stick to and lives can be built around but because of another massive part of our life too that I’ve purposely not mentioned before. My partner is registered disabled as he was born with Cerebral Palsy. Having lived with the condition since birth he’s had a very long time to get used to being a disabled individual yet I’m only just getting around people asking me ridiculous questions like ‘is he a dribbler?’ when I mention his health. I’m not offended or hurt by people, I’m just not used to it yet so keep this part of our life very private. Again I’ve had a long think about my portion of the web and have come to the conclusion not to shout about Rick’s condition because it’s not my personal business to discuss but it is something that affects the both of us daily and because of that I think it’s best kept between us.
There are some days that are hard as hell because I work full time and we don’t sleep the best, I’m constantly worried about his wellbeing and don’t get me started about the cocktail of medication that has to be tweaked just right in order to have a string of good days rather than bad. BUT, I really think there are better bloggers out there who do such a great job of shouting about their conditions and their lives already without me piping up about disabled rights too.
Our life is different, it’s individual and it’s not the same as every other blogger’s out there and I’ve finally had the time to really think about what and who I want to expose online. I think I’ve got it right enough for me to feel comfortable enough.
So yep, I took quite a blogging break because I got sick with a wicked cold and then Rick got sick with another long term stomach problem he has and then we had everything else to deal and crap it’s going to be Christmas soon and I’ll have no time to even breathe between work shifts so down to the shops I go. I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster that doesn’t want to stop and let me off for ages but I can’t help but feel like the most organised step-mum ever with my Santa duties done and dusted and I’ve put in some serious time into the wedding planning too with buying the things I’ve put off for ages like the bridesmaid’s shoes and the pageboy’s suit.
I feel a new lease of life for this festive season even though I’ll be working the majority of it but I’ve promised myself a change of career next year and we’re pretty set on moving to a bigger property once we’re married so everything will be changing again but it’s all for the positive. I’ve no idea if I’m going to stick to some of my decisions I’ve discussed in this post but for now I feel more comfortable about my future online and want I want to let the public see. I think there’s some things you can expose enough to be a realistic lifestyle blogger but then there’s also some parts you should keep to yourself for the sake of unplugging from our Internet and social media culture.
What do you think of the promises I’ve made myself in this post? Let me know in the comments.